Jenny was a hardworking and compassionate woman with an ordinary face that some might call plain. Her facial expression was usually tight and made me think she must be sad, angry, hurt, worried, or ill. Or maybe she was overworked and tired. But once in a while she metamorphosed into a different person. This other Jenny was absolutely beautiful with a big smile and happy, twinkling eyes. The first Jenny was a little scary and unapproachable. The new Jenny’s expression was soft and welcoming. It was like a magic switch had been flipped—from dark to light, sad to happy, off-putting to inviting, stressed to relaxing.

I don’t know the backstory behind Jenny’s facial expressions. Maybe it was a habit. Or perhaps she was one of the many who have stressors or illness that chronically leak into their facial and body language.

Do you know know someone like Jenny? Or someone with a habitual frown? Could it even be you? I’m sure Jenny wasn’t aware of the facial expression she wore most of the time and how it affected her own health and other people—usually in a negative way. Most of us feel good when we smile or see other people’s smiles. Studies shows that smiling, even if done in a planned manner for research, enhances the well-being of the person smiling. When you smile, you make  the people around you feel more at ease and, in this way, encourage them to connect with you, which is what you really might need.

Now pause and ask yourself this question—ask it even if you have good reasons to be sad or stressed:

Do I walk around with an unhappy, stressed, or irritated facial expression?

If you believe the answer might be yes, follow these steps:

1. Acknowledge it with compassion and without judgment.

2. Decide that you want to change so you can reap the benefits for yourself and others. If you are dealing with illness or many problems, this will be more challenging for you, but it is still worth the effort.

3. Begin by observing the beauty of others with smiling faces. Does appreciating those smiles make you feel just a little better?  Let every smile you see be a reminder to turn on your own smile—no matter how you feel. It will make you feel better and may reduce barriers to others.

4. Consider strategies to help you remember to relax your face, soften your eyes, and smile. We’ve already talked about one method, namely smiling when you see another person smiling. Another is when you see a happy baby, a beautiful tree (our fall foliage makes me smile!), a fluffy cloud, or a glorious sunset. Or when you hear certain music. Express gratitude or say a thank-you prayer each time. Using reminder sticky notes on your mirror, monitor, or car dashboard might work for you.

5. If you have a trusted friend, you could ask for feedback and maybe even reminders.

Mind-body connections make this magic work. Change the body and the mind will change. Another example is changing your posture from a slouching position to an erect position. This change of posture facilitates an open and positive air of confidence and welcoming.

I love my special morning prayer asking God to help me to stand up tall, smile, and listen.  I always feel better when I say the prayer because I also do the three things: Stand up tall, smile, and listen.  Try it right now and you will see.

Every time we smile, all the generations of our ancestors, our children,

and the generations to come—all of whom are within us—smile too.

We practice not just for ourselves, but for everyone, and the stream of life continues.

Your True Home, The Everyday Wisdom of Thich nhat hanh p143

SUGGESTIONS:

1. The mind-body connections go both ways, the body influencing the mind or the mind influencing the body. Years ago, as I was researching mind-body medicine, I asked my husband if he understood this mind-body stuff. He said “Sure.” It just like the Funkadelic song, “Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow” (1970). Think of how stress reduction practices can “free your mind” and lead to better health. Check out the lyrics to the Funkadelic song. I was surprised to learn the  refrain is “The kingdom of heaven is within.”

2. As you start to smile more, observe how many smiles you receive back. Those smiles that would have been lost had you not smiled first. And who cares if you don’t get a return smile—that’s a bonus.

3. The meaning of smiles varies in different times and cultures. To learn more of this complexity, check out “A History of the Smile in Art.”

4. Let us pray for the non-smiling people who may be suffering and let us also pray that we may find a way to help them.

EXTRA:

If you are interested in Centering Prayer and live in my area (Prince George County, Maryland) , please join me & Pastor Phil Curran as we start a new interdenominational Centering Prayer Group. The first meeting will be a Q and A, to be held twice during the week of Nov. 13, 2023— at St. Marks Catholic Church in Hyattsville, MD, and University Park Church of the Brethren. Email me for information at dc@serenityandhealth.com.

Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, her podcast/vlog series Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit, and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021), a recent best-seller on Amazon, 2022 Illumination Awards Gold Medal Winner, 2022 Reader Views Literary Award Gold Medal Winner, and 2022 Catholic Media Association First Place Awards.