Bouncebackability is a real word, and it means the ability to recover after a setback. The official word for bouncebackability is resilience. The more resilient you are, the more easily you adapt to major stressors in your life. It’s like having a virtual trampoline to help you bounce back after you fall. Recently I had the chance to talk with two new friends who have successfully gone through major crises. Let me share with you what helped them to get up and keep going.
Joe’s Story
Joe Bolognesi was navigating his walker down some steps during a recent weekend retreat when I first saw him—I was drawn to his warm smile. As I later learned, this senior attorney was suddenly widowed in 2020 after 52 years of marriage. Soon after that loss, he suffered a painful bone illness that required a two-week long hospitalization.
Grieving his wife, in severe pain and alone in the hospital without visitors because of Covid restrictions, he turned to his “anchors” all day every day to deal with his suffering. He describes these anchors as prayers and meditations that he had been doing for a long time, especially since he completed his formation as a third order Carmelite. After discharge from the hospital and long convalescence at home, he was finally able to attend a 13-week Grief Share program which helped to get him “over the hump.” Joe also mentioned how other programs had helped him through the years, notably Marriage Encounter and a Charismatic Renewal group. Joe is blessed with family, a deep faith, a church community, and a lifelong habit of joining and participating in groups and activities.
Here’s what Joe said when I asked what advice he might have for others:
“It’s important to be aware of the spiritual side of life and that one’s spirituality is something that has to be worked at . . .” and to“savor the time” with your loved ones. There are “too many lost moments.”
Lori Ann’s Story
Lori Ann Wood and I met in an online writing group. She is a mom and was teaching business in a college when she abruptly became critically ill with life-threatening heart failure of an unknown cause. For 16 months she was on the edge of death and the recipient of the most aggressive cardiac therapies that can be offered, short of heart transplant.
During this time, Lori Ann’s faith was challenged. She didn’t turn away from God, but she felt abandoned, had doubts, and dared to ask Him hard questions about “why?” During her slow recovery, her faith grew as she stayed close to God, prayed, read, and sought counsel. She opened her heart and healed even more while writing her book, Divine Detour: The Path You Didn’t Choose Can Lead to the Faith You’ve Always Wanted , to be released next month. Lori Ann is eager to share her lessons about cherishing family and friends, being honest, and staying very close to God and his Word during dark times.
Your Story?
Both Joe and Lori Ann turned to family, community, and familiar spiritual practices to help them get back on their feet—they demonstrated resilience. But others may not have meaningful connections or a spiritual life they can turn to. In 2022, 52% of Americans reported feeling lonely and 47% reported that their relationships with others are not meaningful. Family support is not guaranteed because of distance, strained relationships, or competing needs and obligations. Community of any type may be lacking. And too many of us struggle to give God time and space in our lives.
If you fit any of these descriptions and want a change, today is the day to think, reflect, and pray about what new step you might take to build resilience. Please don’t think it is cold and calculating to take action now so you will be better prepared for life’s inevitable crises. Being proactive is wise and will help you to feel better, even when there is no crisis. Consider these ideas.
SUGGESTIONS:
Ask yourself if you have a close friend with whom you can be totally transparent, honest, and vulnerable. If the answer is no, consider reaching out to a neglected old friend or family member, repairing an old friendship, seeking professional help especially if there is a pattern of difficult relationships, and, above all, turning to God, Our Divine Therapist for support, guidance, and patience during this process.
Find someone who is lonely and needs a friend. Call them, arrange an outing, drop by, or write a letter. Then do it again. Be a friend to make a friend.
Consider joining a group or community involved with something you really care about, like health, exercise, prayer, the Bible, church, children, the arts, climate change, the environment, reading, or gardening. I have two good women friends who independently joined Akido groups when they were in their 50s; they found the experience to be deeply challenging and satisfying. I’m positive their commitment to this practice also enhanced their resilience. It takes some courage to begin something new, but it is so worth the effort.
As we start 2023, let’s all pray for serenity and health—and more resilience—for each other! Plus, special thanks to Joe and Lori Ann.
Love,
Donna
EXTRAS
I really enjoyed being interviewed about Serenity and Health by Pastor Bob Thibodeau, radio host and host of the King Cross Road Podcast.
Part One: https://kcrpodcast.com/episodes/serenity-and-health-dr-donna-chacko-pt-1
This is the podcast’s 1200th episode!!!!!
Part Two: https://kcrpodcast.com/episodes/serenity-and-health-dr-donna-chacko-pt-2
Also, listen to my conversation, “A Doctor’s Healing Journey,” on Dom Brightmon’s Going North Podcast. His interview style is unique! https://www.goingnorthpodcast.com/ep-604-a-doctors-healing-journey-with-dr-donna-chacko-donnachacko/
Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, her podcast/vlog series Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit, and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021), a recent best-seller on Amazon, 2022 Illumination Awards Gold Medal Winner, 2022 Reader Views Literary Award Gold Medal Winner, and 2022 Catholic Media Association First Place Awards.
It is not crazy to sit in silence doing nothing. Wise and holy men and women have always done it.